The Punch Line #2

Mark Steel, "Workers unite! And turn Balmoral into an allotment "

So now all these same people ponder how it went wrong, puzzling who's to blame for not seeing it coming. But capitalism is ordered in such a way that the people making millions couldn't possibly see it coming. Because the banks and dealers and major shareholders are all in competition.

So imagine getting up at the shareholders' meeting of Bradford & Bingley or some Icelandic company three years ago, and declaring the bank should lend less money, slow down the property boom, stop speculating and be responsible to help prevent a crash. The rest of the board would have called an ambulance and insisted you were sectioned as you must be hearing voices. Because if their bank didn't cash in on the boom, all the other banks would, leaving them to fall behind and probably get taken over.

They had to believe in the pursuit of bonuses based on rising shares and property prices, just as a priest can't do his job unless he believes to some extent in God.

So all these inquests about why the banks have failed society seem pointless. They didn't fulfil society's needs because that's not their aim. Their aim is to make as much profit as possible for their shareholders. You might as well ask a sportsman why he failed to defend the near post at corners, and wonder why you get the reply "Because I'm a tennis player".

The View From Over There: ACORN-phobia

Brad Friedman, "The Republican voter fraud hoax"

Here are the facts. Acorn verifies the legitimacy of every registration its canvassers collect. If they can't authenticate the registration, or it's incomplete or questionable in other ways, they flag that form as problematic ("fraudulent", "incomplete", et cetera). They then hand in all registration forms, even the problematic ones, to elections officials, as they are required to do by law. In almost every case where you've heard about fraud by Acorn, it's because Acorn itself notified officials about the fraud that's been perpetrated on them by rogue canvassers. Most officials who run to the media screaming "Acorn is committing fraud" know all of the above but don't bother to share those facts with the media they've run to. None of this is about voter fraud. None of it. Where any fraud has occurred, it's voter registration fraud and has resulted in exactly zero fraudulent votes.

You'll hear that Donald Duck, Mary Poppins, Dick Tracy, Mickey Mouse and (new this year) the starting lineup of the Dallas Cowboys football team have all had fraudulent registrations submitted in their names. That's true. And we know this, why? Because Acorn told officials about it when they followed the law and turned in those registrations, flagged as fraudulent.

What you won't hear is that federal law requires anybody who does not register to vote in person at the county office to show an ID when they go to vote the first time. So, unless Donald Duck shows up with his ID, he won't be voting this November. You needn't worry, no matter how much even John McCain himself cynically and dishonourably tries to mislead you.

Bailout: A View From Across the Pond

Mark Steel, "Quick! These bankers need rescuing"

You see – even in this crisis, all they're thinking about is the American people. They've never wanted the burden of accepting unimaginable salaries for buying and selling the same stuff, but they've soldiered on out of love for the American people. Well it's time they understood there's such a thing as being TOO selfless, and took a moment to consider themselves for once.

Their complaint was the failure to approve a $700bn bailout of failing finances, but it's even worse than they fear. Because according to one commentator, one reason why politicians rejected the deal was that "they were receiving letters from the public running at 40 to one disapproving it".

So it's not just politicians, but the American people who are against the American people. Some of them, for example, might consider that $130bn to provide a National Health plan for all Americans for two years would be a better use of funds. Those poor traders must hold their heads in their hands and sigh: "It's just 'me me me' with some people, isn't it?"